All that potential...

I must try and have more rubbish holidays. The most recent crop have been far too enjoyable which only results in the immediate desire for more holidays. This seems to be a flaw in the whole holiday concept. Or maybe I am doing it wrong. ?

I would say Happy New Year but that was like a month ago and there is 2018 laughing hysterically at me for thinking I'm in charge of the next eleven months. In truth I have no idea what this year holds for me. This isn't new. Every year in recent memory has been way more than half a mystery as it kicks off. And it is fair to say I have been busy enough each year. Too busy sometimes. But of course not busy enough is as bad as too busy and I have little control over the balance. I can say no if things get too hectic but shouting yes into the void won't bring me more events to be involved in or books to be launched. Or ideas to feverishly bring to life.

I passed on the retraining. I tried it on for size and I just knew it would hang in the wardrobe unworn season after season. A cool thing I paid good money for that didn't quite fit me the way I wanted it to. But it is good to be open to new things. And of course I never say never. It is a silly word that cuts off too many possibilities.

So where to now? I am currently looking for a routine that will work for me during the week. I have interviewed a few but they just weren't qualified enough or where overqualified and I knew they wouldn't stay in the job. And I need something flexible enough to work on a part time basis when the need arises. I'll keep looking and let you know how I get on.

Since finishing the last novel my brain has been lying fallow. A fallow brain is at risk of self doubt so I am looking to bring it back into use soon. Chuck Wendig made a great point recently about self doubt making it too easy for creative folk to put their tools down and resist picking them up again. I mean it's self doubt, right? It compels you to avoid the things that you feel doubt about and then you're not doing the things you should be doing. It's a slippery slope/ feedback loop hybrid. Fair call Chuck. Point taken.

So I'm casting about for some new projects and girding my loins to dive back into one that is like two thirds done, while eyeing up my empty dance card with mixed feelings. Feeling simultaneously nervous and excited about what the year might hold. All that potential.....

I'll have a plate of achievement please, hold the side order of stress

Wow, it's a New Year; all shiny, fresh and trembly with anticipation. For a fleeting moment I thought that this year I would try and achieve more than I did last year. Must work harder, more efficiently, exercise more (if only bits of me would stop hurting), eat less (only in my dreams), stop procrastinating and find more hours in the day. But really if I just achieve this year what I did last year I would actually be pretty darn pleased. The only thing I would change is the stress levels. People tell me its useful. If we had no stress we might not achieve anything. But then if i thought about the stress involved I would NEVER sign up for anything. Like the pain of childbirth, the memory of stress fades. Of course I will organise that conference, run that workshop, entertain those forty under-5's, tame that tiger, perform brain surgery with a teaspoon - it'll be a cinch. And then I reach that moment when I slap myself upside the head and say 'what was I thinking?' but its too late. So this year I intend to do a little more of what I fancy when I can (watch movies, read books, hang with the famdamily, blog, loll about in an incredibly indulgent fashion). And the rest of the time I will do the stuff I always do - some study, some writing, some editing, some work-shopping, the after-school taxi'ing and juggling, the homework cajoling and the usual domestic chores - and I will remind myself I'm not half bad at these things. And when I've slapped myself and the stress is kicking in I will remind myself that the last time I did the thing I'm about to do, it worked out pretty well.

Farewell 2008. Here's to 2009...

(two of my three children on holiday in Rotorua in 2008):-

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2009 dawned bright and shiny here in Auckland and looked as hopeful and ripe with potential as it could. I've never been so keen to start a new year as I was this time around. 2008 was not without its own charms but it had more than its fair share of frustrations. I hope 2009 does not buckle under the wait of expectations as I know I am not the only one looking for better things this year. I have made one New Year's resolution but have decided to keep it mostly to myself.

I'm also not keen to out too many of my hopes and ambitions for 2009 either. Mostly because they rely on things outside my control and it is impossible to say right now how things will pan out. If the incidence of 'better things' relied solely on people's hopes then this year would be a doozy but it all feels very up-in-the-air. Anything is possible. I have two stories to finish (the YA and an intermediate thriller) and I will be putting the hard word on myself to get those done. One at least must be done ASAP. Hopefully both. As my daughters are off to the States in April to represent NZ at the World Cheerleading Champs in Florida I know a lot of my time will be focused on helping them get ready. I don't have too many other plans in the first half of the year. The latter half of 2008 came to such a swift conclusion because of all the things I had on in September, October and November that i am looking forward to a calmer pace in 2009.

I've also been too hung up on the fate of old manuscripts and it has been holding me back so one other ambition I will own up to is the one where I let go of those old MS and their fates and devote the attention they deserve to my current WIP. This sounds so dreadfully easy when I put it like that but I really struggle with this one. I love all my babies and want them to do well and they have been unemployed too long! Worrying about them really does slow me down on my writing. This morning the son of a friend of mine stirred another idea i've had festering away in my brain for a while with an idle observation about school footwear (its a long story - hopefully an interesting one when i get round to writing it) but i really must finish what's cooking now before i can get started on that.

Heres to 2009 - may it be as bright, shiny and prosperous as it first looked.