I'll have a plate of achievement please, hold the side order of stress

Wow, it's a New Year; all shiny, fresh and trembly with anticipation. For a fleeting moment I thought that this year I would try and achieve more than I did last year. Must work harder, more efficiently, exercise more (if only bits of me would stop hurting), eat less (only in my dreams), stop procrastinating and find more hours in the day. But really if I just achieve this year what I did last year I would actually be pretty darn pleased. The only thing I would change is the stress levels. People tell me its useful. If we had no stress we might not achieve anything. But then if i thought about the stress involved I would NEVER sign up for anything. Like the pain of childbirth, the memory of stress fades. Of course I will organise that conference, run that workshop, entertain those forty under-5's, tame that tiger, perform brain surgery with a teaspoon - it'll be a cinch. And then I reach that moment when I slap myself upside the head and say 'what was I thinking?' but its too late. So this year I intend to do a little more of what I fancy when I can (watch movies, read books, hang with the famdamily, blog, loll about in an incredibly indulgent fashion). And the rest of the time I will do the stuff I always do - some study, some writing, some editing, some work-shopping, the after-school taxi'ing and juggling, the homework cajoling and the usual domestic chores - and I will remind myself I'm not half bad at these things. And when I've slapped myself and the stress is kicking in I will remind myself that the last time I did the thing I'm about to do, it worked out pretty well.

Books are right up there with the air we breathe...

A large proportion of my time over the last few days has been spent either helping my daughters prepare for their trip to the US, buying items for them to take, or worrying whether a)they have everything they need and b) that they are ready for every eventuality once there. I am exhausted and stressed. They are part of a large group with plenty of adult chaperones and the trip is pretty well organised but there are plenty of lists to be ticked and advice to give and of course they are my children and therefore extremely precious to me. Somehow i did not get enough chocolate for my needs this long weekend despite it being Easter. All I got was closed offices, and no mail deliveries for four whole days. My favourite distraction is always writing and everything that that entails (bugging the agent just back from Bologna and London, bugging the editor, the publisher, my writer friends and anyone else remotely connected with getting my words into print) but these things are not available over long weekends made of public holidays. So all I've had is housework and fretwork.

To compound things, the day after my daughters depart I have an author talk. No matter how much I enjoy these there is always stress involved and a fair amount of mental preparation and worry. This all has to be got through before the visit because children can smell fear a mile away and have no qualms about making you squirm. Speaking to school groups (or similar) is a completely different beast to book tours and signings - with school groups (or similar)your audience does not necessarily want to be there or hear about your books, your writings or you. None of this 'preaching to the converted' here. You have to win them over, entertain them and make them think books are better than playstation, television, and youtube. I have a bit more experience now and have a few tricks up my sleeve and down my jumper. And ultimately I have my firm belief that books are right up there with the air we breathe in terms of their importance and value. I will be keeping the faith and hope I manage to get a few converts.

Those aren't grey hairs, they're stress highlights...

Tomorrow is Halloween. Although Halloween has copped some flak in New Zealand for being an adopted 'event', and is also perceived by some religious folk as a major element of an evil devil-worshipping plot I kind of like it. I like that its an excuse to have fun. And for the price of a few packets of wrapped lollies and some cheap costume accessories from the very cool local cheap costume accessory emporium (Geoff's in Dominion Road) its a low cost bit of fun. Okay, I do feel a little uncomfortable knocking on the front doors of complete strangers and asking for a treat but being on the other side of the door and checking out how much trouble some children have gone to with their outfits, how inventive they've been and realising that it can be a confidence boost for the shy child to go up to the front doors of complete strangers and knock and ask for treats in the name of fun makes me 'want' to give them lollies. I don't like scary movies and I will not be watching old scary movie re-runs. I have my own horror unfolding at home as the second of my three children becomes a teenager on the 31st. Those aren't grey hairs, they're stress highlights!

My SO had his shoulder op on tuesday and is home now. He's walking round with a full time anaesthetic pump on his shoulder. I'm thinking, I'd like me one of those. Looks like the operation was a success and once he's healed up and rehabilitated he'll be almost as good as new. I'm ticking off stressful events at the moment. My cheerleading daughters have their annual international cheerleading competition this coming sunday and once thats over things should be a little calmer round the house.

I'm a bit stuck on my WIP at the moment and there have been so many distractions I haven't been giving it the attention it deserves. Although I thought this comment I saw the other day suggesting that if you are blocked maybe its because you should be, made a lot of sense (sorry i can't remember where I read it) I'm not a great believer in writer's block. Being stuck is me acknowledging that I'm a bit off track and I have to let my brain take its time and figure out how to get back on track and that the station its heading to is a good destination. Sometimes it all comes easy, other times the cogs grind a little slower or need an injection of something you can't identify until you get it. If this sounds a bit airy fairy thats because it is. There is no 100% logical explanation I can think of that describes the writing process. The path I took for the last book will most likely bear no resemblance to the path i take on this book or the next one. I often fear that my ambitions for a particular story are beyond my writing skills (Justine Larbalestier blogged on this a few days ago) but I believe the ambitions are good and drive me to work harder to get the writing right. I know how I want the story to go, but its a little like precariously holding all the pieces of a broken vase together and then needing to apply the glue - it can be a very tricky business. I don't believe any writer ever knows all there is to know about writing. We are striving to improve, seeking a better way to tell a better story.