A delicate balance of confidence...

I sent off 2 short stories for an anthology yesterday. I will be surprised if they are selected, but I am very pleased with myself for having written, edited, polished and submitted the things. It seems like forever since I last went through this process. Sure I submitted some other stories for another anthology late last year but they were stories already on file - not brand-new hot-off-the-press ones. When you don't do these things for a while you begin to wonder if you've forgotten how or completely lost the ability. I've written previously of how difficult a year 2008 was in some respects but I didn't realise until yesterday how much it had shaken my writerly confidence. A writer's confidence is a delicately balanced but essential element of a writer's being. A bit like the pin in a grenade - you know - it seems like such a small thing compared to the grenade as a whole but without it, you are essentially stuffed (or blown to smithereens - take your pick). Too much confidence will empty the room like a bad smell, not enough and you may never open the door to strangers or stick a toe outside it. Under normal circumstances it is difficult enough to find the right balance but these are not normal circumstances. I'm also trying to find the right balance of hope and realism for 2009. The only way forward is to keep writing, and producing four new short stories over the last week has reminded me what a buzz i get from creating a new story. 2008 had also strangled my productivity till it was blue in the face so I'm relieved to be breathing again.