Life would be easier if...

It has been the school holidays and therefore difficult to get to the computer. Not because i'm busy entertaining the children. They are old enough now to entertain themselves and actually prefer not to have me involved in their social activities. No, its because I have to take a number and wait in line to use the thing. And as if that wasn't bad enough, for the last two days the internet has been a bit 'ethereal'. Truly it has come and gone, like a selfish teenager, indifferent to my begging and moody about what it would and wouldn't do for me. I hate these technological advances that suck you in until you are a complete slave to them and then they just toy with you and tease you and only work when they feel like it leaving you high, dry and frustrated. And i've been cutting down on wine and chocolate so i'm extra crabby over the whole thing.

However I did get enough time on the computer on thursday to complete my funding application to Creative New Zealand, closing date July 25. I have to say, as I posted it off yesterday, that I felt like I was whistling in the wind. My chances are probably no better then if I bought a lotto ticket, but at least I have my ticket.

I found the funding guide very difficult to interpret and even when i've asked for advice from applicants, previous judges (or whatever they call the people who make the decisions on the applications) and staff within the organisation its a little like I was asking for a state secret from the CIA. Answers were as vague as the guide. I appreciate some of the reasoning that may be behind this vagueness - the guide must be applicable for many different art forms and an even greater variety of possible projects. Judging panels will be different from year to year and the measurement of any art form is so subjective. I guess if you've been a successful applicant you a) may not want to share the formula for your winning entry or b) not even know what part of your application won them over. But I never felt confident, as I prepared my application, that I truly understood exactly what they wanted from me and I would be very surprised if I am successful. I have applied before and at least I felt like this application was an improvement on the previous one. I am hoping I can get feedback when i find out the result in October.