A delicate balance of confidence...

I sent off 2 short stories for an anthology yesterday. I will be surprised if they are selected, but I am very pleased with myself for having written, edited, polished and submitted the things. It seems like forever since I last went through this process. Sure I submitted some other stories for another anthology late last year but they were stories already on file - not brand-new hot-off-the-press ones. When you don't do these things for a while you begin to wonder if you've forgotten how or completely lost the ability. I've written previously of how difficult a year 2008 was in some respects but I didn't realise until yesterday how much it had shaken my writerly confidence. A writer's confidence is a delicately balanced but essential element of a writer's being. A bit like the pin in a grenade - you know - it seems like such a small thing compared to the grenade as a whole but without it, you are essentially stuffed (or blown to smithereens - take your pick). Too much confidence will empty the room like a bad smell, not enough and you may never open the door to strangers or stick a toe outside it. Under normal circumstances it is difficult enough to find the right balance but these are not normal circumstances. I'm also trying to find the right balance of hope and realism for 2009. The only way forward is to keep writing, and producing four new short stories over the last week has reminded me what a buzz i get from creating a new story. 2008 had also strangled my productivity till it was blue in the face so I'm relieved to be breathing again.

Please don't tell me the rules. I'm more likely to follow them if i don't know what they are...

Finished my first draft of my YA novel outline and e-mailed it off to my agent. On different days i love/like/hate or loathe my new story. I was reading about plots this morning and became convinced I didn't have a plot. The writer (Nathan Bransford again at http://www.nathanbransford.blogspot.com/ ) talked about theme, hook and plot as individual yet essential elements that need to be in place before you beging writing. All the commenters on his blog waxed lyrical about how clear he'd explained it all but i just felt confused. Another of my favourite bloggers, Justine Larbalesteir, had only recently explained how she is an idiot savant writer who works without recourse to the acknowledged conventions of novel writing. Her stories just happen to come out like a bought one because her subconscious automatically follows the rules. I guess if you read a lot of books you can absorb the rules contained therein without even realising it. I like to think thats kind of how I work too. If i think too much about the rules the wheels fall off and i can't move forward. I wish Nathan Bransford hadn't said anything about plot.

On a cheerier note it looks like there will be another book by me out next year. Yay!! I guess it was kind of obvious it was going to happen, but any hint of doubt is a hint too much as far as i'm concerned. People say you need to come out with a book each year to stay current and keep your audience. That may not apply directly to me because i write for different age levels. I probably need to have at least one picture book and one novel a year. I'd better get cracking.