Monday, February 14, 2022

Behaving badly ...

How we all feeling people? I can't lie - between covid and protests and linespeople repairing power lines post-Cyclone Dovi in the wee small hours of the night, the mood is a bit subdued.

Hanging out on twitter, while it can be distressing at times, is a good way to get updates on goings-on both here and overseas and to gauge the temperature of things. And there are always interesting posts that cover some things in depth providing insights and elucidation, to counter the toxic or inflammatory words of others. I find small doses are best. Recently though I noted a couple of unconnected posts that were commenting on a similar issue that surprised me. One was an agent responding to a submission they'd received that opened with a not so veiled criticism of that agent. The other was a person who has created an online children's writing community (out of the pure goodness of their heart) with the object of providing help, support and opportunity for new writers, reporting that they had received disgruntled emails from writers disappointed not to have made a competition longlist. The person had not even been involved in judging the entries, although it would have been no excuse for this kind of response if they had.

Writing for publication is a long game. Being polite and professional is essential as you navigate the choppy waters of this business. I have seen folk behave badly and get away with it but this is the exception, and people remember.  And being rude, disrespectful or aggressive is just a very weird response for a writer. Our key job is to understand the meaning and effect of our word choices. We work hard to shape text in a way that conveys what we want it to say. So why, oh why would you say or write something that will make the recipient (who may hold your publishing fate in their hands), upset, or insulted or angry? The only result you will get, as far as I can tell, is to make it easier for the rest of us who are polite and professional. I guess lashing out might briefly salve whatever hurt you might be feeling but this behaviour is most likely to only damage your chances further in future.

It's totally understandable to feel hurt and/or disappointed by a rejection. I've had my share and they sting like blazes. The heart-hurt that goes along with the dashing of a hope or dream is dreadful and over the years I've assembled a few strategies to help me through these times. Sometimes I soothe myself with cake, chocolate and wine. Sometimes it's the indulgent purchase of something unnecessary. Sometimes I say rude words or go for a very vigorous walk, and sometimes I complain bitterly to my nearest and dearest. Occasionally it's all of those things. Find a strategy that works for you that doesn't involve burning any bridges.

Biting your tongue is just another way of 'killing your darlings', and it will make your work stronger. And if you think saying something rude or critical in an email or on social media is going to be read as witty or cute, or commanding and impressive, you may be in the wrong business.

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